Choose a Rhythm of Rest or Ruin Your Life

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God has blessed my wife and I with two very active, young daughters. When it comes time for bedtime or a necessary nap time, they both fight the idea of laying down as if their mom and I were asking them to go swimming with sharks. 

Rest time is abhorred by our children.
They’ve even started to barter with us. 

I’ll do this chore or I’ll play in the playroom nicely or I won’t kick my sister in the stomach – all so they don’t have to lay down. 

If we allow them to skip a nap or if we allow them to act like every night is a slumber party and they don’t have to go to bed at a decent hour, they are going to be nightmares the next day.

The reason they don’t want to rest is because they are afraid at missing out on something. 

And I would venture to say, that when it comes to resting for you, if you don’t rest, then you are going to miss out on something going forward. And that something, is a lasting legacy. If you don’t rest, life will be a blur.   

As I look through the pages of the Bible there are a few reasons that show why inserting rest into our weekly rhythm makes so much sense.

1. A rhythm of rest RENEWS your body.

God has created our bodies in such a way that they work and function best when they are set and committed to a rhythm of rest. 

Physicians inform that 75-90% of doctor’s visits could be avoided if people could just eliminate the weight of stress and anxiety due to the lack of rest in their life. 

The magazine Business Weekly conducted a survey where they asked people in the workplace this simple question: How are you feeling? 

The number one answer in the workplace to, How are you feeling? was by far this answer: I’m tired.

Question: How are you feeling?
Answer #1: I’m tired. 

The 21st century has already been dubbed, The Century of Fatigue.

I was reading about this internal clock humans have in their body referred to as, The Pineal Gland. This pineal gland collects serotonin. Serotonin is released (how God designed this to work) when the sun rises in the morning. When released, this serotonin gives the human body energy and joy and anticipation for what awaits for us for that day.

Is that what happens to you when the sun rises? Is joyful what you feel right when you wake up? 

Not so much. 

When the sun rises, you’re not thinking, Oh what a beautiful mooooorning!
You’re thinking, Snooze alarm clock, and then you think, COFFEE NOW!

But my daughters, they wake up with a smile and with energy ready to go. 

Then in the evening, when the sun sets, the serotonin is converted to melatonin, and that’s what gives us this sense of being tired and pretty soon we’re ready to sleep. It’s why we are out like a light before 9:00PM in the winter time. When the sun is down early, we’re down early. 

A physician named Dr. Archibald says that most Americans ignore this internal clock in their brain. The pineal gland doesn’t know what’s going on so the serotonin and the melatonin are confused on when to be released and we’re up when we should be down but we’re restless and stimulated by TV and tablets and smartphones and then the next day we’re lethargic and easily agitated and slow and depressed-feeling. 

It’s all because we’re violating the way God wants us to function daily and when we continue to be on the run and not rest, our bodies will be weak, and weak bodies lead to terrible sins.

Fatigue will not prepare you to say no to the temptation that is waiting for you. 

Maybe you read a blog like this and think, More rest? Okay. Sign me up. I would love to rest but there are projects around the home I promised would be done last week and the contract needs to be written up or this client needs an email from me on the weekend and the kid’s have all these activities and I don’t want them to fall behind and I would love more rest but it’s all going to fall apart if I establish a simpler schedule.

In the book of Leviticus, God continued to instruct His people to have a life of rhythm where He says, Every 7 years, I want you to give the land a rest. Don’t plant or plow or harvest the field in the 7th year. 

The people say back to God what we would’ve said, Okaaaaaay, God. Sure, we’ll go a year without working. How are we going to eat?

Here’s how God responds,

You might ask, ‘What will we eat during the seventh year, since we are not allowed to plant or harvest crops that year?’ Be assured that I will send my blessing for you in the sixth year, so the land will produce a crop large enough for three years.When you plant your fields in the eighth year, you will still be eating from the large crop of the sixth year. In fact, you will still be eating from that large crop when the new crop is harvested in the ninth year. (Leviticus 25:20-22)

God is saying, When you take that 7th year off from farming, do nothing. It won’t make sense on paper. You won’t be able to rationalize it or predict it, but trust Me on this. If you honor Me with your time, if you to put Me at the center of your life you’ll see and experience change. You’ll get so much more from Me by taking time off than you would if you blurred your time together. And by resting your bodies you’ll be ready to go back into the mission I have in store for you.

A rhythm of rest doesn’t just renew your body, but also, 

2. A rhythm of rest REPLENISHES your relationships. 

If we violate this rhythm of rest we will also damage the special relationships God has put in our lives.

MSNBC did a report on a study done by UCLA’s Center For Every Day Lives. UCLA followed around 32 families for 4 years. They recorded each family for the length of 1,600 hours. It was like, The Truman Show. 1,600 hours of videotape over the course of 4 years for each of these 32 families. 

The researchers were stunned at the hectic pace these families were living their lives to and as a result, how distant and cold family members treated each other.

One of the clips from this study was of a man who came home from work late. His young kids were already asleep and his wife was sitting on the edge of the bed. She’s folding laundry and she’s got her bedroom television on. Husband walks into the bedroom and there was no, Hello, from the wife. No smile from her. No, How was your day? No hug, no kiss on either exchange. 

What does happen is the couple picks up mid-sentence an argument they had 15 hours earlier that morning about who left the milk out the night before and now it’s spoiled.

Another clip is of this business woman, dressed in an executive, silk suit. She’s got a forced smile on her face and she’s trying to get her daughter just to look at her. Her daughter refuses to look at her mom until finally the embarrassed nanny in the room, who is putting her daughter’s pajamas on, prompts the girl to acknowledge her mom’s presence. 

Another clip is of this big bear of a man walking into his crammed home-office and his teenage son is playing a video game on the office computer. Dad rubs the hair of his son playfully and the whiney response the son was, I thought you were going to get this monitor fixed?

The researchers found just 1 family out of the 32 families had unstructured, structured time together. 5/32 of the families had no time together. At no point in 4 years through 1600 hours of tape did 5 families spend time altogether in the same room.

We need to live life with a restful, slower, more intentional pace, spending quality time together. When we don’t, our relationships will suffer. We can’t choose be possessions over people. 

Where are the kids who want to go for a walk with their mom just to talk as they leave their phone at home? 

When was the last date night for mom and dad? 

What family would try going without TV for a month?

What household is kissing and hugging the spouse and the kids every single entry and exit of the home?

Do you see what we’re missing by adhering to the frantic pace of culture? 

Thirdly,

3. A rhythm of rest RESTORES your soul. 

More than rest for our body, more than rest for the relationships we love, this rhythm of rest keeps us close and aligned with God. 

“Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

Be still and know God is God. You’re not. He is. You can’t change things. He can. You can’t heal it. He can. You can’t control it. Let Him.

When we refuse to honor God with our time (days without the Bible or prayer, weeks without church, months without making Christian friends, years without leading our family toward Jesus, decades of the same sin) when we refuse to honor God with our time we are saying to Him, God, You can’t do this. I have to do it. I don’t trust You to come through if I rest. 

One of the most healthy things we can do on a daily basis is to step away every single day from things and say and believe, God, You’re God. I’m not. I’m dependent on you. And I not only need You, God, but I’m thankful You’re strong enough, loving enough, more than enough for me, my situation, my family, my fear, my dreams, Thank You for taking the burden to put my life together.

Picture a three year old. If you know three year olds, they want to do everything adults can do. They want coffee. They want to drive. They want to stay up late. They want to watch shows mom and dad watch. They walk around the home in their parents loafers or high heels. 

What every three year old loves to do in the springtime is help mow the yard.

It takes a lot of energy for a pre-schooler to reach up, push and walk with a lawnmower while mom and dad are also mowing. After a while of mowing, the child gets exhausted and steps aside and stops pushing the mower.

Each time the parent mows with the child, it’s the child who thinks they’re pushing the mower but when they step aside to rest, the child sees the mower is going even while they aren’t. They sees their parent is the one making it happen.

What if God is thankful we take a break and when we do, He gets more done in our lives while we rest?

You’ve got to figure this out for you. Get some rest. 

Thanks for reading. You are loved. 

Z

What Every Parent Should Be Downloading Into Their Child (1,900 words of parenting advice)

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Back in the day when I was a pre-teen, I used to make mixtapes. Those born in 1990 or later probably don’t know what a mixtape is. A mixtape is a cassette tape (Google it) with favorite songs inserted on it to listen to. It’s an archaic Pandora playlist. It took tremendous patience and focus to make the perfect mixtape.

I would lay on my bedroom floor, next to something called a boombox (a radio that played music through speakers), I’d have my radio playing and I would wait for some of my favorite songs to come on so I could record them onto this tape. 

You had to be coordinated. You had to hit play and record at the same time, and you didn’t want the DJ’s voice on the tape, just the song. 

I had all kinds of mixtapes. I had love song mixtapes I’d give to girls I had a crush on. I’d leave the mixtape in their school locker with a creepy, cheesy note attached. For sports, I had mixtapes that would insert into my Dad’s yellow Sony Walkman to pump me up. On my sports mixtape to get me stoked I had “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, “Jump” by Van Halen, “Momma Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J and anything Michael Jackson.

I know that mixtapes are a thing of the past. With technology today, you can download any song that’s ever been recorded and you can make all kinds of playlists on your smartphone. And whether you like to listen to it while you’re in the car, or while at work or school, or exercising, or just chill’n with friends, it can’t be taken for granted what those who came before endured through in the mixtape years. 

Today my young child can grab my phone, open up my music, download new songs she  likes, delete songs she doesn’t like (my favorite songs) and make a playlist. In seconds she can do it. 

As a parent, I realize that my children are being lied to wherever they go. They are downloading lies other influences are pushing on them, and if unchecked, they will start to believe those lies as truth. One of my roles as a guide for them is to delete the lies that they download each day and replace it with truth. 

Mom, dad, grandparents, aunt, uncle, youth leader, teacher, influencers of young children and grown children, here’s what will happen if we don’t get proactive in deleting the lies this culture is pressing down on our children:  

They will be mugged by the mirror. 

We’re in the selfie generation. The reason everyone is taking selfies is to show others how they look. And maybe each time you look in the mirror, each time you take a picture of yourself, you’re asking the fairy tale question, Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? The more we invest in how we look, the more we believe the lie that we are worth the amount of how beautiful others say we are. 

In her book, I Want to be Her, author Michelle Graham writes this: “There’s nothing quite like a glance at a Victoria’s Secret catalog to invoke a flood of insecurities and feelings of disappointment.”

Graham goes onto say: 

If Barbie were a real human being, her proportions would make her anywhere from 6 feet 10 inches to 7 feet 5 inches tall. In order to achieve her perfect figure, she would need to have two ribs removed along with several major organs. Barbie has no hormonal cycle to affect her complexion and no metabolism to struggle with. This is the image that has been marketed to young girls all over the world as an inspiration to womanhood. And we eat it up. Barbie has become a $1.5 billion dollar a year industry. Don’t worry, I’m not on a Barbie-burning crusade. And I’m certainly no expert on the psychological effects of Barbie on young children. But I do know that at a very young age I bought into the idea that unless my Barbie was physically perfect, she wasn’t as good as the other Barbies on the block. In fact she embarrassed me. As I grew into adulthood, I left my Barbie behind. Unfortunately I struggled with the belief that unless I am physically perfect (a perfection that is unattainable and unrealistic) – I’m somehow not as valuable as everybody else. Barbie moved out, but Victoria moved in.”

A recent study shows that 70% of teenage girls and women feel depressed, sad or guilty when they look through a fashion magazine for more than 3 minutes.

Americans spend 20 billion dollars a year on cosmetics and 74 billion dollars a year on diet foods.

Just flip the remote control and the TV will tell you that outer appearance is what’s most important. It’s why you post more pictures of yourself online than you do Bible verses.

Because I’m a father of girls, I have a passion for all young girls to find their purpose in God and not in what others think of them. Girls, you may not know this, but an average woman in our culture is 5 foot 4 and weighs 170 pounds. An average model on the runway 5 foot 11 and they weigh 108 pounds and their body mass index is borderline malnutrition. 

Because of photoshop and airbrushing, what we look at in magazines and on the big screen is a fake. It’s not real. It’s all a lie. Delete the lie that external beauty is all there is.

Let’s download the truth that God loves you no matter what you look like. God created you the way He wanted to and to get where God wants you to go to love on who God wants you to love on (which includes yourself). You’re beautiful.

If they listen to the wrong voice, not only will they be mugged by the mirror, but: 

They will be pick-pocketed by the past. 

Your child failed the test. They stole what they shouldn’t of. They drank. They smoked. They lied to their parents. They feel responsible for their parent’s broken marriage. They succumb to sex, hurtful language, gossip, back-stabbing, anger etc. Even my own past tries to walk into each present day I have in an attempt to steal the future God has in store. 

But if you download the love of God into your child’s daily life, how much He loves you and them no matter what’s been done against Him and against others, then they’ll come to realize that our past does not define your present or your future.

You are not what you have done. Whatever it is that haunts you, whatever secret things you’ve done that no one else knows, that your close friends, your youth leaders, your parents, your siblings have no idea – and if you’ve been listening to the wrong voice about what you’ve done – then you’ve probably bought into the lie that God couldn’t love you, or God couldn’t forgive you. 

The one true God doesn’t only forgive people, He frees them. I don’t want the joy and energy and faith that my kids have as a child to be pick-pocketed by reminders of their past mistakes. Author Joanna Weaver writes:

“My deepest fear is waking up twenty years from now still the same person I am today. With the same annoying habits and petty attitudes; with the same besetting sins and false beliefs. I can’t imagine anything more terrible than getting to the end of my life only to discover that God had so much more in mind for me – more freedom, more joy, more peace, more true effectiveness. And I had missed it all, simply because I refused to believe it.” 

Don’t be mugged by the mirror and think external looks is all there is.
Don’t be pick-pocketed by the past and lose your joy in Christ. 

A third lie our children and us will download if not exposed to the truth: 

They will be robbed by relationships. 

Relationships are hard work, right? They can wear you out, make you tired. 

As if I didn’t already date myself with all the talk about mixtapes, let me talk about a woman named Louise Ciccone. Maybe you know her as Madonna. She’s sold over 300 million albums of her music worldwide. She’s worth an estimated 500 million dollars. TIME Magazine listed her as one of the 25 most powerful and influential women of the last 100 years. 

When she was a little girl, her mom died. Her dad quickly remarried and she didn’t forgive him for that. She severed all ties with him as her father and ran away. And I think the reason why Madonna, still in her 50’s, has always jumped from one man to the next is because she was robbed of a relationship she didn’t have with her father when she was young. 

After a concert in Detroit, in an interview with Vanity Fair a few years back, Madonna said: I have an iron will, and all of my will has always been to conquer some horrible feelings of inadequacy. I push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being and then I get to another stage and think I’m mediocre and uninteresting. Again and again I go through this vicious cycle. My drive in life is from this horrible fear of being mediocre. And that’s always pushing me, pushing me. Because even though I’ve become somebody, I still have to prove that I’m somebody. My struggle has never ended and it probably never will.

Life doesn’t have to be that way. 

If the statistics are right, many of our teens are being robbed by a relationship with a parent. Mom and Dad haven’t or aren’t doing something for them that parents are supposed to do. I don’t know what is more tragic than a parent who doesn’t love their kid in a way God loves them, and I don’t want to downplay this possibility,  so if you’re from a broken home, if you’re in a tough home, and maybe there have been hurtful things said back and forth and maybe you’ve been more of a parent than your mom or dad has been to you. And maybe you’re angry over that.

If bitterness is a prison, forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door.

Forgive your mom. Forgive your dad. Forgive your child. Forgive your sibling. Forgive your church. Forgive your friends. Forgive your enemy. Tell them, to their face, or in a hand-written note, that you forgive them. And then trust God going forward when reminders of those painful moments start to resurface. 

All of this to say: I guess before we teach our children about external looks not providing true identity, before we teach our children that in Christ our past mistakes cannot depress us today and before we teach our children that forgiveness is what gives life to relationships and bitterness is what kills them – we have to model it to them. We have to delete the lies of our culture and download the liberating truth of God’s Word. 

Put your heart right. Reach out to God and face the world again. Then all your trouble will fade from your memory, like floods that pass and are remembered no more. Job 11:13 

Thanks for reading. No matter your looks, your past or your status of relationships today, you are loved. 

Z

Real Housewives, Tim Tebow and Telling Your Kids “No”

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Flipping channels I came across the television show, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. One of the wives on this show, her name is Kyle. Looking it up, she has over 2 million followers on Instagram. Besides her amazing acting skills on reality TV, she’s an author. One of her books has made The New York Times Best Sellers List.

In this best-selling book she writes, “If you cheat on your spouse don’t tell your spouse. Everyone gets one free pass.” – Kyle Richards

This is her advice.

Hmmm.

I’m going to sound like a really, really old man when I say this, but I’m going to say it anyway: 25 years ago, that line of thinking was not normal. And now it’s a best-seller?

Contrast the worldview of Kyle Richards with the convictions of Tim Tebow.

This is a guy committed to guarding his virginity. It’s someone who is raising and giving away millions of dollars to help orphans around the world and special needs children in this country. He smiles when his team loses and gives his teammates credit when he wins.

Tebow is antagonistically asked all the time why he talks so much about his love for Jesus. This is his response, “If you’re married and you have a wife and you really love your wife, is it good enough to only say to your wife, “I love you!” the day you get married? Or should you tell her every single day when you wake up at every opportunity? That’s how I feel about my relationship with Jesus Christ. It is the most important relationship in my life. I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity I can get to let him know that I love him.”

Boom.

This sounds normal to me. It’s foreign thinking to the world.

There’s a high school in America where you can take a class on transgender pornography. It’s an elective. In this same high school the teens are not allowed to pray in the cafeteria. And if you say the name Jesus during a graduation speech they’ll keep your diploma and expel you.

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you (1 Peter 4:12).

Do you know when I feel this cultural drift-effect the most? I feel the pull this world has on me the most when I’m trying to make a good decision for my kids.

I know as my daughters get older, they’re going to see a bunch of really nice stuff their friends have that they don’t own. Christmas lists’ are going to get expensive. Birthdays are going to be big deals. Already I can’t get home from a business trip without my three year old asking what I got her before she hugs me. It starts early.

My wife and I are already thinking about what to do when our daughters start asking for expensive gifts. It’s not that the money isn’t there – and please don’t read into this, I’m not telling you how to parent because I’m very wet behind the ears still – but just because we can afford to buy something that doesn’t mean we need to buy it.

I am convinced our goal as parents is not to get children more and more stuff or plan more and more activities for them. Already we see that doesn’t suffice. It’s all temporary until the next thing they can get or do.

Our goal as parents is to raise children to be more like and to depend on Jesus each day of their lives.

That’s not typical today. The majority of families are all about the stuff and the activities.

Which families, in their daily choices, are all about Jesus?
Which husband prays with his wife, asking how he can pray for her?
Which parent prays when their kids are afraid?
Which kids are asking their parents how can they pray for them?

Where are the families reading their Bible together, attending worship together, loving their neighbors together, forgiving each other, baptizing each other?

My six-year old child knows kids her age with an I-phone. She wants her own I-pad for her birthday. As a family we have one already. She likes the thought of using make-up. When she sees her friends get into this stuff and get these things from their parents, we will teach her to be excited for them and not jealous of them or even angry at her mom and I for not getting her another thing, but to be grateful she has a warm home to sleep in and a full belly and a clothed body and a family that is centered on Jesus and full of laughter and joy.

We will go through seasons of getting things for our girls or not getting things for them, but we both believe it will be good for them to hear us say “no, you can’t have this.”

I’m not a mean father, but every so often my children need to hear “no” from me and here’s why:

I hope that someday my daughters are going to have a relationship with Jesus that is their own. They’ll be introduced to this awesome daily thing called prayer, where they can have a real live conversation with the Creator of the universe at any point during their day. And they’re going to ask God for something they think they need or something they really want and God, who sees the future, protects His children, knows better than they do about what they need, He’s going to say “no” to them at times.

I don’t want my children to be spiritually confused, or so physically spoiled, that they get angry at God for not being the genie they expect Him to be because I, as their earthly dad, didn’t say “no” to them while they were growing up. It’s normal to whine. Who’s living simply, patiently, gratefully?

Let me be even more vulnerable as a parent: When I say “no” to my of our kids, for some reason I feel guilty for not getting that thing or that activity for them.

WHY?

Why do I feel like I should cave in when my girls give me the droopy-lower lip, or the tear down their eye, or when they don’t feel like they fit in with their friends?

It’s this cultural undertow that screams our kids deserve the best and it’s tempting us to forget that gratitude, simplicity, generosity, Jesus and His ways are really what’s best for them. Not the next thing their friends may get or what the commercials show. Deep inside we know what everyone else is doing isn’t working.

The only way to live a better life is to live a different life.
Let’s not be so obsessed with being 
happy. Let’s be holy.

Thanks for reading. You are loved.

Z

7 Questions for Each Gender to Ask Before Dating Someone

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Happy Valentine’s Day. For those dating, it can be romantic. For those not dating, it can be lonely. For those married, it can be forced or enjoyable. For the husbands who didn’t know today is V-day, hope the dog makes room for you.

Love is in the air around Valentines’ day and that means stupid is in our hearts. Our emotions and desires can deceive us.

Below are 7 questions every Jesus-loving male needs to ask when looking for a godly woman to marry (questions for women to ask are after these 7):

7 Questions Christian Men Need to Ask Before Dating Her: 

  1. Are you looking past a good woman already in your life?

Examples of good women who are possibly near you: widows, shy women, single mothers, older in age. Sometimes a woman’s character is as refined as gold due to the difficultly she’s had to go through.

  1. Do you you look forward to being around her?

You have to read Ecclesiastes 9:9. With stress at work jobs, expenses, with dealing with your sin and with the pain of the let downs of others, it’s a good wife that will help you enjoy your time on earth. You should like being with her and trust her more than anyone. If she’s hot but she annoys you, move on.

  1. Does she dress modestly?

A woman who dresses in a revealing way may be arousing to look at, but do you really want everyone else lusting after her? Do you really want your future/current daughters to follow her example? A wise man ready to date knows the difference between a good time with a girl and a good life with a girl (see 1 Timothy 2:9). Choose a good legacy over a momentary feeling.

  1. Will she let you lead when needed?

The Bible calls the Christ-following husband to sacrificially lead his family. The wife must agree with his Christian values, she must trust him, and she should respect the way he seeks her advice on decisions. There will be conflict if she does not naturally follow Jesus and you. There will also be conflict if she’s following Jesus and you’re not.

  1. Is her character noble?

Check out Proverbs 31:10-31 and you’ll get what I mean. You want your daughters to emulate her. You want your sons to marry someone like her. Is God approving of her thoughts/speech/actions/love? Does she fill you with joy by the way she prays, worships, serves and even how she responsibly interacts with other men?

  1. Can you provide for the standard of life she expects?

If a woman isn’t satisfied with the income you make, move on to someone who loves you more than money or possessions. Biblically, the man is responsible for the financial and material needs of the family. If you work hard, tithes well in worship, invests wisely, and saves money, then it’s perfectly fine to spend money for memory-making with your spouse (see 1 Timothy 5:8).

  1. Is she like ANY of the ungodly women God cautions against in the book of Proverbs?

Does she nag a lot? Does she embarrass herself in public because she’s loud and want attention? Does she argue a lot? Does she gossip about others? Is she a flirt? When your testosterone has calmed down, exhale and try to objectively evaluate her life. (read Proverbs 27:15, Proverbs 7:11).

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _

For the female perspective when seeking to date, below are 7 more questions for her to ask about him. Both of my daughters are going to be trained to ask these questions when they turn 37 years old and are given permission to date the close to alien-form species referred to as the human male:

7 Questions Christian Women Need to Ask Before Dating Him:

  1. Will you support him and join him where he’s headed?

1 Corinthians 11:9 says you are equal to your husband, designed to be his helper. If he’s in the military or in sales, to where he’s gone a lot, and you don’t want that, then he needs another career or you need another suitor. If he’s got dreams where they’ll be a lot of long hours and little pay up front, or, if his plans are perpendicular to what your goals are headed, it could be problematic.

  1. Is he courageous enough to remain strong in tough times?

I’m not sure what year it started but when did males start being born without a spine? He should be tender with you, but tough for you. When financial trouble comes, will he be a steady rock for the family that gets two jobs or cuts the budget or trusts God? Will he be there when you are ill? When there’s a tough pregnancy? When there’s tragic heartache? Too many men cower/hide/give up/freeze under hardship. You want to marry one who won’t. He will need to show his faith to you and his fear to God to be strong.

  1. Will he be responsible for the family?

If he isn’t, he’ll be an awful husband and father. He must ensure that you and his children are close to Jesus, well loved, encouraged, and prepared for adulthood. If you’re the leader of the relationship, you deserve better. Please don’t settle. Trust God, move on and pray for someone who can lead you spiritually and emotionally.

  1. Is he gentle with you and thoughtful toward you?

Any man who doesn’t ask what you think and how you feel about decisions needing to be made is selfish and inconsiderate. It’s a huge red flag if he is abusive in any way. While dating, he’s trying to impress you. If he’s bad now, it will only get worse once married (See 1 Peter 3:7)

  1. Do you believe he’ll be a godly and loving father?

Does he love children? Is he selfless daily? The only way a man can be a good father is if he’s unselfish. Does he take time to pray and read the Bible (that’s what develops selflessness)? What takes up his energy and time: living for others or living for his desires? (See Psalm 127:3-5, Ephesians 6:4)

  1. Does he have the qualities that make him a 1-woman man, committed for life?

The elders at your church must set this standard. The dude you want to date shouldn’t be the porn-guy, or the flirt-guy, or the “has lots of girls as friends”-guy, or the “dates lots of women at once”-guy. Or even the “compares you to other women”-guy. When he loves you alone, you will have his heart, his mind, his eyes, and his wallet. If you question his loyalty, he’s not fit for marriage (see 1 Timothy 3:2).

  1. Because you are precious and valuable, what will he sacrifice to be with you?

A man should fight to be with the woman he loves. Too many women make it too easy to be caught. He should overcome obstacles to be with you so you know he treasures and values you. Jacob had to work for 14 years to be with Rachel (Genesis 29:20).

It’s not my intent to cause any break-ups to happen after asking these questions, but it is my intent for godly dating to occur so healthy marriages raise healthy children who date wisely and in that way God’s kingdom can thrive as we emulate His amazing love toward others.

Thanks for reading. You are so loved.

Z

Three Areas to Fumigate in the Home

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I have a friend living in northern California who wanted to upgrade in homes after his wife gave birth to their first child. When it came time to put his home on the market to sell, he found out that before any offer on his home can become final the home has to be entirely fumigated. Before you can sell a home, the final step is to get all the people out of the home, all the clothes, all the food, all the furniture, (I recommend leaving the cat inside), then these guys come and put this huge tent over the home for sale and these ghost buster looking fumigation soldiers come in and spray inside the home and all over the property because in California there’s these little tiny termites that get into the wood of the home and if you don’t get rid of these harmful insects, the home will collapse.

Fumigation is a tough but necessary act. It’s vital to get what can be harmful out of the home.

What if God is trying to do some big things in our home but can’t move as effectively as He desires because there are some harmful things affecting our minds and the minds of our kids?

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. (1 John 2:16)

Here’s how I would define what the Bible describes as “worldly” –

Worldly: Anything that alienates you from God

Anything – any worldview, any media or song or movie or TV show or thought or behavior or relationship or addiction – if it doesn’t drive you closer to God, it’s of the world. It’s worldly. We’ve got to fumigate that out of your life.

It’s embedded in our instinct to love the world. It’s in our natural desires. It’s what we’re comfortable. If not watched, it’s what we veer toward unconsciously.

Here are three worldly influences that I see in our homes, (This is for me too. It’s not like I’m going over your home for dinner and I’m excusing myself at the table to go look through all your worldly stuff. My family needs to fumigate as well):

1. What We View.

Movies, videos, websites, posts, all of the websites and videos we’re privately viewing. If we wrote down all the viewing pleasures we have that alienate us from God it would be pages. We’d get a hand cramp.

I wonder if we could fill a post-it note with the things we’re allowing ourselves to view that God approves.

A father informed me that his teenage daughter wanted to go see a movie that he knew was not going to help her spiritually grow closer to God. He told her calmly that she couldn’t go see it. He said to her, It’s not going to usher you closer to God and my responsibility is to love you and the best way to love you is to bring you closer to God.

She was frustrated. Said some hurtful comments. No matter how long she was steamed, we need more Christ-following parents like that who protect what their kids view, and do it not to be mean or restrictive, but because God calls you and the entire family to journey toward Him, not worldliness.

Maybe I’m off on this, but isn’t the Christian parent’s dream to see their kids following Jesus with all of their heart? If your dream as a parent is to make your kid happy in the moment and give them permission to do whatever they want, then sure, you’re not going to observe what they view. I want your dream to be bigger than making them happy. Making them happy with no boundaries could enslave them. I want your dream for them to be following Jesus with all their heart. That will free them.

The world is sewage. If a parent allows this ungodly sewage to be pumped into a child’s mind, then the characteristics of Christ cannot be formed in them. That’s on mom. That’s on dad.

I have two daughters. My primary goal is not to get them to ball practice, or to get their ACT score higher than before, or get them on a fun vacation – on and on and on – good things, just not primary. My primary responsibility is to make sure that when they leave the nest, they are sold out to Jesus, and before that, they are trying to become more like Christ each day.

Geez Zach, you have no clue. You’re so naive. Your oldest child is in Kindergarten. Raising Christian kids is tough with all that is around my child. 

I know it’s tough. I was one of the worst kids. I need moms and dads around my family to parent faithfully so when my daughters fill themselves with sewage and lose sight of Jesus, I can lean on you and see what you did to make sure your kids stayed close to God and close to their Bibles.

Here’s the 2nd area we need to be cautious of:

2. What we listen to. 

This is not me saying that Christians need to throw out all the music in the home except the Point of Grace CD’s from the 90’s, but parents, let’s not think that the music today is the same kind of message and content as the music 20 years ago. Let’s not ignorantly think that our kids like the song because they like the beat but the lyrics aren’t marinating on their developing minds. They are. The pain and lust and confusion and rage and bitterness of the world has been transferred into the sound our families voluntarily choose to listen to.

This is not a rant where I ask who wants to go move into a cave with me so we can all sing kumbaya while we pass around the baked beans until the apocalypse happens. We just need to take the time to decipher what we and our kids are listening to. Some of it is good music, good lyrics, others of what we’re listening is good music, bad lyrics, and some of it is just bad music with harmful lyrics.

Music is powerful. I can start singing half a line from a pop song in a room with teenagers in it and the teens finish the lyrics verbatim, but if I quote a commonly known Bible verse in that same room, can they finish it?

I feel like this post might come across as legalistic. That’s not my intent. That’s not who Jesus is. I just want families to get more serious about allowing their kids to watch and listen to things that bring them closer to the Lord.

Why can’t a parent walk into their kids room and tell them that the music being played isn’t honoring God and that it needs to be gone? Fumigated.

I didn’t get serious about God until I was 20. I played the Christian game for 20 years. The primary reason I was so disobedient, and rebellious, and in trouble, the primary reason I wasn’t sold out to God was because of the music I was listening to was so contrary to the life God wanted me to live. I threw all my awful music into a trash can outside on campus in college and I lit it on fire (I got in trouble for the fire, but it felt good to fumigate).

Your kids may not like the fact that you are going to fumigate the music in your home, this is what godly parenting is all about: Pain now for the long term good.

It’s how God disciplines us: Pain now for the long term good. There’s a balance. Fumigate the bad music, keep the good (and that’s not fumigate the non-Christian music, keep the Christian, there’s a balance). There’s some amazing non-Christian music. In my family, when we listen to lyrics that can be harmful in a song, we press the pause button and try to  redeem the lyrics making sure our children know what is right and what is wrong in God’s eyes.

It’s not just the music we hear, it’s the jokes amd language we hear and the gossip we are participating in, so many things we’re hearing keep us from God.

Here’s the third thing that could be keeping us from God:

3. The Public Schools.

Now everyone reading pays closer attention, right?

Let me be very clear that just as there are good things to view in TV and websites, and just as there are good things to hear, as in music, there are good things about the public school. There are also potentially harmful temptations in private and home schooling.

As a leader in the church, I am never going to take a stand on where kids should be sent to school, whether public, private, or home school. Being a leader in the church is not for me to propagand my opinion on schooling, or on politics, or whatever. I only want to help share how to make the family more Christ-like, and FYI, my children will always be attending public schools because my wife and I want to send light into darkness, and that includes sending loving, wise kids into public schools where hope and health are decreasing.

What I am saying is that if you’re sending your kid off to a public school, and you’re not paying attention to the stuff they’re learning, and you’re not paying attention to the friends they’re making and hanging out with and the types of coaches that are influencing them, if you’re just sending them off to the world day by day, having uninterrupted social time, it could be keeping them from God. Athletics is included in this. If sports and practice are keeping your kid from growing closer to God, let’s find a balance.

For you, whether you’re a parent or a kid or an in-between, the kinds of things you watch, the kind of music you hear, and the people you hang around – it is the center bulls eye kind of person you’ll become.

The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.  Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.  But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (Romans 13:12-14)

It’s just having some quality, intentional conversations with our family and having the wisdom and courage to fumigate what tempts us from our purpose.

Thanks for reading. You are loved.

Z

Thoughts on Abortion

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Roe Vs. Wade, the January 22nd, 1973 Supreme Court ruling legalizing abortion throughout pregnancy, turned 45 years old this week.

Abortion has become a politically-charged subject, with lines drawn in the sand.

One political party says, We are pro-life. Another political party says, We are pro-choice. One party protects and fights for the rights of an unborn baby while the other party protects and fights for the rights of the pregnant woman. It’s become an either-or proposition where people are forced to pick a side. The problem for me as a Christian, when culture forces me to pick a side, is that Jesus is both-and.

Jesus is for babies and for women.

The church is messing up her witness because Christians are loudly arguing what they are against instead of gently stating in love what they are for. Christians would do well to stop yelling at what issue they are against and start sharing in love that they are for Jesus. Jesus is for babies and for women.

Surely at some point in his earthly life, Jesus’ birth-mother sat Him down and walked Him through all the pain, fear and humiliation she went through as an unmarried, teenage, pregnant woman. It seemed to have shaped Jesus’ love for children and women on the outskirts of culture.

Since Jesus is pro-baby and pro-women, so am I. Here are some reasons why:

I am for the Sciences.

What the scientific community has discovered is that life begins at conception.

Let’s say a baby is conceived on January 1st, (which means it must’ve been quite a New Year’s Eve party). Here’s what happens after conception:

JANUARY 1: All 46 chromosomes are present giving the baby a unique genetic make-up that cannot be replaced or reproduced. 

JANUARY 21: The baby’s heart begins to beat. 

FEBRUARY 7: The baby’s eyes, legs, and hands begin to develop.  

FEBRUARY 21: The baby starts kicking and swimming in the womb. 

FEBRUARY 28: Every organ in the baby’s body is in the proper place, bones are taking shape, and fingerprints have begun to form.

Most abortions take place at this stage of development. If that’s not a human being then I am not a human being. This is why ultrasounds are so critical in the process of a woman deciding to abort or give life.

78 percent of all expecting moms wanting an abortion, decide not to have one after seeing the ultrasound of their baby. 

The owner of the largest abortion clinic in the United States testified before Congress and said this:

“Of course human life begins at conception. This isn’t new news; it’s just overlooked information.” – Aileen Klass

50 million babies have been systematically exterminated because of overlooked information?

Even if I didn’t believe a single word in the Bible, I would still be pro-baby and pro-woman because of my intellectual commitment to science.

I am for the Law. 

I am utterly grateful to be living in a country that is legally establishing gender equality. There is a ways to go still, but as a father to two daughters who are growing into women, they will live in a time where women can thrive better than ever before. The law is to thank for that. I pray for our political and judicial leaders. I am for them.

There are some inconsistencies in America’s legal system. If a woman chooses to terminate the development of her baby, it’s considered, by law, a choice. If someone else harms her while she is pregnant, and terminates the baby growing inside of her, it’s a homicide, it’s murder.

In America if you destroy an eagle’s egg you’ll go to jail for two years.

The law says what develops inside of an eagle’s egg is more valuable than who is developing inside of a mother’s stomach. It doesn’t seem to line up with these timeless words written by Thomas Jefferson:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” – Thomas Jefferson

Since the inception of these words in the year 1776, America has fought numerous wars in numerous countries. Our country defends everyone’s right, globally, to life. 1.3 million American soldiers have laid their own lives down so that other people in other countries could live.

Why wouldn’t we fail to protect the rights for the unborn to have life?

Maybe you remember a man from history class named Dred Scott. Scott was slave from Missouri. His owner moved him to Illinois where slavery was illegal and Dred Scott took him to court because his owner tried to sell him to a state where it was illegal to have slaves. It was a courageous move.

The case went all the way up to the Supreme Court and the decision sadly ended up being that slaves were property, not people. But the Dred Scott case ignited a nationwide controversy and eventually it led to the Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation, which thankfully led to the 13th Amendment in our constitution stating that all people are people, not property.

And it’s not just race. Husband, remember your wife is not your property. Treat her with kindness. Boyfriend, your girlfriend is not yours. She’s God’s. Parent, your child/children are not your property, they’re God’s children you get to influence for a short time. Employer, treat your employees fair and honor them when they do well. They’re not your property either. Which means an unborn baby is not property

In her book, Who Broke the Baby?, author Jean Garton makes this observation,

“History has proven us wrong about Native Americans. History has proven us wrong about African Americans. We cannot afford to wait for history to prove us wrong about the unborn.” – Jean Staker Garton 

If it’s proven scientifically and medically that unborn babies are people, does it matter if we kill them before they are born or after they are born? Right now the only thing that separates abortion and euthanasia is the law.

There is a greater category than science or law.

I am for the Scriptures. 

The songwriter in Psalm 139 sings this about God,

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! (Psalm 139:13-17)

God has so many great thoughts about life in the womb and not one of them is abortion. Here’s how God begins the book of Jeremiah,

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5)

Before any person is born, God knows them intimately, loves them unconditionally, values them above all creation and has a purposeful, specific plan for their life.

When Mary was pregnant with Jesus by the Holy Spirit, she went to her cousin Elizabeth who was pregnant at the same time with John the Baptist. When Elizabeth saw her cousin Mary, she said,

When I heard your greeting, the baby in my womb jumped for joy. (Luke 1:44)

Not birth matter. Not uterine content. Elizabeth says, the baby jumped for joy. From the very beginning of the Bible and of humanity, God’s message is clear.

God has a heart for the voiceless and the weak. It’s always for the child. The church must echo God’s heart. This is why in the book, Answering the Call, author John Ensor points out a big tragedy in the Christian community. He writes –

“The abortion industry could not survive financially without paying customers drawn from the church.” – John Esnor

No Christian needs to be protesting outside of abortion clinics. They just need to stop going inside them.

Anytime I am listening to someone who has an abortion in their past, whether they chose it, their parents forced it, their boyfriend forced it, or they funded it, I try to communicate this truth:

You are either forgiven or forgivable. 

If you’re a follower of Jesus, and you’ve been shamed over sin in your past, Jesus already has forgiven you of all of that. It’s gone. It’s clean. The evil one will try to remind you of it, but remind him Jesus has forgiven you and that your future is good and his is frightening.

If you’re not a follower of Jesus, and you’ve been shamed by choices you’ve made, you are forgivable. God willingly, overwhelmingly will forgive all of your past. If you’ve had an abortion, Jesus died to forgive that act and He rose from death to free you from being chained by that memory. If you haven’t admitted your past to a friend, reach out and share it bravely to experience liberation and healing.

If you know a woman who is pregnant and scared, the guy isn’t involved, the finances aren’t there, her parents are angry, her future looks bleak, say this to her:

You may have an unwanted pregnancy, but you do not have an unwanted baby. 

Adoption is a great option. Life is always the right option. I’m convinced that each Christian should let Proverbs chapter 31:8 marinate in their membrane over and over:

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; (Proverbs 31:8)

I’m pro-baby and I’m pro-woman because of my intellectual commitment to science, because of my moral commitment to the legal system, and also, more importantly, because of my spiritual dedication to Scripture’s truth and wisdom.

Thanks for reading. You are loved.

Z