What’s been known since the first sun ray was ever felt by Adam and Eve is that women are different than men. Women have an entirely unique, separate, complicated, woven-together way of looking at things, processing events, expressing emotions, responding to circumstances. Men need to study up on it.
What should be studied by men is to read and digest passionately everything the Bible has to say about marriage and everything the Bible has to say about women. One verse is:
Husbands must give honor to your wives.
Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.
(1 Peter 3:7)
The King James Version of this verse says husbands should treat their wives, “according to knowledge,” meaning, any information a husband can get his mind on about his bride, he should do it. He never knows her enough.
From what did she learn in her Bible time to her thoughts about the last episode of, “This Is Us,” to her dreams and goals right now to how her coffee date with a friend went to how’s work going to what her fears are to whatever thought is in her mind. Study her.
Pursue her, woo her, ask her questions you did before you were married. Communicate with her throughout the day. There are few things she would want more than for you to get your PHD in getting to know the most beautiful creature God has created for your fulfillment in this life.
The husband should have notes in his wallet or phone that are, “things she doesn’t like” and “things she loves” and “things not to say” and “things to check in on.” Each husband should be able to write a 20-page term paper on the research they’ve done on their wife.
Here are some things the husband would know if he studied his bride:
What the word “nothing” means.
Husband: Hey honey, what’s bothering you this evening?
Husband: Okay. But you’re kind of washing those dishes in an aggressive manner. What’s wrong?
”Nothing” does not mean nothing to her (and all the wives said, amen).
”Nothing” means, “figure it out Sherlock”.
It means, “I’m upset but I can’t put my finger on why right now so let me wash these dishes”.
Sometimes it means, “nothing to do with you”. Sometimes it means, “try harder and I’ll tell you”.
Sometimes when she says “nothing”, she’s saying “how dense are you? Do I have to write it in the sky for you?”
It means everything but nothing. Figure out what it is.
Women are annoyed by things that guys don’t even notice.
For example, my wife does not like it when my toenails are longer than they should be and I’m cutting her legs while sleeping next to her.
Or, how many times have I gotten dressed in the morning and go in to kiss my wife good-bye and she’ll be like, “What are you wearing? No way. Try again”.
Husband, you are doing something that annoys her, and she loves you dearly, but still, study her, watch the eye rolls and the sighs and the “ewww” and ask what you do that gets on her nerves so you can stop doing it.
Romance is born in preparation and sacrifice, not in convenience.
Too often men get cheap and/or last minute on romance.
Husband: Hey honey, I was thinking, let’s forget cooking tonight and go out together, just you and me.
Wife: Really? Okay! Where are we going?!
Husband: I passed this new all-inclusive buffet on my way home that looked decent.
L O S E R.
Bill Hybels, a pastor in Chicago, tells the story of wanting to do something nice on his anniversary. After having a pretty packed day, there in his neighborhood was a guy walking around selling flowers. It was an amazing opportunity, the flowers are right there, just roll your window down and by flowers for your wife. Now he’s on easy street, he’s going to make her day, he walks in the house and his wife asks, “Where’d you get those flowers?”.
Husband: Um.,I bought them through the car window just 1/4 mile away.
Wife: How much did they cost?
Husband: $4.99 plus tax………
L O S E R.
Your wife wants you to go three towns over and spend that money on her favorite flowers to show her the statement that THESE flowers are what you think about her.
You can’t get a deal on romance. It’s never on sale. There’s not a shortcut to it. It comes from planning and from sacrifice where “I was thinking about you all week. I’ve been waiting to surprise you all week” is seen and felt.
Husband: I set this up last Tuesday for you, sweetie
Wife: You were thinking of me last Tuesday!!!!!!
Husband: YES. I. WAS.
Sex should occur on a great day in the marriage, not be the fire escape from a bad day.
If a husband ignores his wife and has neglected her and has emotionally injured her, a cold hand reaching over the bed at 10:35PM is not going to fix all of that. Let the impulse go. God’s mercies are new every morning. Apologize and try to do better the next day.
Sex is important for intimacy and has a lot to do with trust, but it doesn’t solve much when it comes to an argument or a reoccurring issue in the marriage. Don’t make it an escape out of the conflict.
Genuine compliments are never wasted.
Baby, you look amazing today,, and, Where did you get that dress, it looks so good on you, and, Wow, you’re hair looks great today! and, Look how hard you work, and I’m amazed at how selfless you are, and, I’m so thankful God brought you into my life. I’d be a mess without you, and, your character inspires me.
Why aren’t the husbands constant with the compliments?
There are those men who have the mindset of: I met her, I wooed her, I wed her, on our wedding day I told her I loved her and when I change my mind I’ll let her know. Until then she should know I love her.
Some husbands are like, When my wife does something new with the hair or wears new shoes or earrings, I don’t even notice.
And yet you know your favorite sports team’s first loss in 2004 happened on Thanksgiving Day against the Detroit Lions and they went 13-3 that year losing to the Baltimore Ravens in the Divisional Round of the playoffs, or something like that, right?
Why do husbands know pointless stats about sports? Because they study it. They pay attention. Your wife only has about 15 outfits. Go stand in her closet for 10 minutes and then when a new one shows up, you’ll know.
A free tip because I want marriages to thrive:-When you notice a new item of clothing on her, this is not a compliment, That’s looks good, how much did it cost?
Are the husbands complimenting their wives? Are they getting exciting about the outer and inner beauty of their wife or does something else have their excitement? Let’s genuinely compliment the woman God has blessed us with, men.
A little help goes a long way.
Hey babe, I’ll clean up dinner tonight, you go take a bath or catch up on your reading. You do so awesome with our children, I’ve arranged an evening out with your friends and I’ll be watching the kids, helping them with the homework, getting them ready for bed.
Or a husband could say: Maybe if you could point me in the general direction of where we keep our vacuum, I’ll sweep the place. Could fold some laundry.?
A little help goes a long way.
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it.
Study your bride. Do not stop dating her. Do not stop serving her. Do not stop learning about her.
Or, you can take her for granted.
Thanks for reading. You are loved.