Sex: the Fire Inside

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A family favorite movie in the Stewart household is the newer version of The Jungle Book. Good movie, pretty sweet special effects. Very clear in the narrative is the difference between how humanity in civilization views fire and how the animals in the jungle view fire. The animals call it man’s red flower and are afraid of it and what it can do.

When fire is properly used, it can keep us warm. It can cook food. It can light a dark path. But when fire gets out of control, it can be damaging, destructive, scary, hurtful. #prayforcalifornia

It’s the same with sex. Sex is a gift from God and it is good. I want to be sure Christians get this because how many people grew up going to a church that viewed sex as bad? Within the biblical boundaries God has laid out, sex is good.

It’s when we disagree with God’s view of sex, then like fire out of control, it can damage us and others.

There’s SOOOOOOO much confusion when it comes to sex. There’s casual sex. Friends with benefits. Summertime love. One night stands. Extra-marital flings. Sexual experimentation. Sexting. Those within the church and those outside of the church have a pretty skewed, wrong view of what sex is supposed to be.

It’s important to talk about these things, especially between parents and kids within a  household because kids are definitely talking about sex with their friends. If the Bible talks about it, then we should discuss it. Not to quote Salt-N-Pepa, and not to stress out all of the home school parents, but let’s talk about sex.

Sex is a great gift from God, designed for married heterosexuals.

God is pro-sex. The church should be pro-sex. As long as it’s inside the God-ordained box of a married man and woman, I’m pro-sex.

Let’s stop yelling at what we are against and start sharing what we are for. I am for sex.

God created sex, He wants people to experience the intimacy and trust and pleasure that sex brings. To God, and to the church who wants to really free people, it should be passed on that sex is so much more than a temporary act. It’s becoming one in mind, body and spirit.

Dawn Eden, an editor for the New York Daily News, has published a book entitled, The Thrill of the Chaste. The subtitle is: Finding fulfillment while keeping your clothes on. You can buy it on Amazon here.

Eden talks about her former way of life, and how sex was her attempt at gaining a deeper level of an emotional connection. Casual sex wasn’t working for her, so she decided, I’m just going to do something completely different than the people around me. I’m going to give Jesus’ way a shot. This is what she writes,

“Sometimes when I speak to people who are in favor of the sexual revolution and in favor of premarital sex, they’ll say the reason that I was unhappy with premarital sex was that I was not doing it right, and that if I was perfectly detached or perfectly emotionally balanced, I would be able having sex with someone who is not my spouse. The more I think about it, the more, I’m convinced that I followed everything that Cosmos says to do, and it’s just possible, even probable, that the reason it didn’t severely emotionally dysfunctional because their happiness is dependent upon them separating their emotions from their physical actions.”           Dawn Eden, The Thrill of the Chaste

Casual, pre-marital sex doesn’t work. The way God has designed sex, one can’t detach the emotional from the physical from the mental from the spiritual. Our soul chips away every single time a sexual act outside of biblical marriage occurs.

Culture has tried to reduce sex to just a physical, hormonal impulse that has to be satisfied. In reducing sex to just a physical act (which is impossible), we then unfairly, wrongly, reduce other people to objects. We only think: Who can satisfy me? – which is the opposite of why God created sex. Sex should be this selfless, intimate, deep, trustworthy experience with a spouse and instead it’s extremely selfish, temporary and degrading.

They don’t tell you this stuff in 6th grade sex-ed class. You won’t hear this truth in songs on the Billboard top 40. The ABC Bachelor Fantasy Suite doesn’t keep this in mind. God, Who is the only One always thinking about our own best interest at all times, God says, Just stay patiently and passionately within My boundary of biblical marriage. Sex is a great gift from God for a married man and woman.

I want to encourage you – even challenge you and your loved ones– do this part of your journey God’s way. If you’re going to do something God’s way, let’s be sexually pure. Honor God, daily sexually with your thoughts, eyes, desires, impulses and actions.

Right after Dawn Eden decided to be sexually pure in God’s eyes, she began to feel a lot of pressure from her former way of life, which had been this Sex in the City lifestyle. She was asked by this guy to spend the night with him after a date and she writes this –

I just thought it through to the morning after, how am I going to feel? I had this vision of me being with him in a diner for breakfast the morning after. I order my usual; two poached eggs on rye toast, no butter, no potatoes and coffee with skim milk. And I realized I have like four different specifications for my breakfast – and I can’t be picky about the man that I’m choosing to be physical with in the most intimate way? It just seemed pathetic, and it made me realize that I wasn’t losing anything by holding out for something better and more meaningful,  Someone whom I could share breakfast with every morning for the rest of my life.” 

I’m honored to have a single male friend who has a passion to do this area of his life God’s way. I asked him how he’s able to stay pure in our culture and he wrote back:

Doing it God’s way is the best way. And when I was younger I made a commitment to God and to myself to wait until I was married to have sex, and I’ve kept that commitment. And my obedience in that has come, not from having some kind of herculean-type strength to conquer over temptation every day – but most of it comes not putting myself in those types of situations where I would have to fight sexual temptations I would not be able to withstand. 

In a follow-up note he says, The reality of it is, I go on dates. I desire marriage. I get to know godly women to see if marriage is in the future, and my ultimate intention in being in a relationship, in getting to know a woman closer, is with the hope that our time together, helps the young woman I’m with to love God more, and for me to encourage her to become more like Jesus, which will not happen if I succumb to anything sexual with her before marriage. And hopefully that’s her desire for me too.

Purity must be one of the highest goals when it comes to singles dating. If he doesn’t have her best interest in mind, which is to become more like Jesus, move on ladies. And if she doesn’t have his best interest in mind, which is to become more like Jesus, move on gentlemen.

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

There was this couple came who came up to me after church one weekend and they had zero church background. Zero. Not even Grandma forcing them to go to an Easter service. God’s ways were completely new to them and they were very honest about it, admitting that they were living together, not married yet, sexually-active, they said, Every time we come to church or try reading our Bible, we feel like our living together, having sex with each other, isn’t God’s best for us right now. 

The two of them and myself started having coffee together so we could search what God’s best for them looked like. I was so proud of the boyfriend because most men aren’t like this, the guy says, You know what pastor, we’re going to make a commitment right now, in front of you, in front of God, in front of this coffee shop, we’re going to get married in 8 months but I’m moving out this weekend. She can have the house. I’ll take on the burden of finding a place with a buddy. She lit up because she was with a man who loved Jesus and wanted her to become like Jesus and then they asked me to do some pre-marital counseling and officiate their wedding.

Right before the wedding ceremony I was backstage with the groom-to-be. He pulled me aside and said, Remember that commitment at the coffee shop I made to God and to each other about being pure until marriage 8 months ago? I said, Yeah, I remember. You said it pretty loud like William Wallace would’ve. He said with a huge smile on his face, Well, we kept it. We stayed pure. And the groom, in all his guy-ness, pulled back his sleeve, looked at his watch and said, But in about 24 hours……….. 

Stay pure until marriage and then enjoy sex in marriage. 

Properly handle the gift from God as fire should be taken care of, or it can get destructive.

I’ll just add one more thing: God is the lover of your soul. Here’s what God can do: He can go get all of those pieces of your soul that have been wrongly shared sexually – given away or maybe even ripped away from you. He can go get them all and put them back together and make you whole again. He’s done it for me and so many people. Start today to put Him above sex.

Thanks for reading. You are loved.

Z

 

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